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Thursday
Jun102010

Aye There's The Rub (Of Thighs)

How the hell am I supposed to lose weight when I live with three people who are practically anorexic and need to eat seven times a day just to MAINTAIN their weight? It's just not fair. Other people who are trying to diet get to purge their houses of 'bad' foods so that when they open their fridges in a moment of weakness all that is visible is a wilted lettuce leaf and half a bottle of V8. Not me - I still have to bake cookies, stock up with copious quantities of ice cream, provide hearty carb laden dinners and tons of high cal junky snacks. My willpower needs to be SUPERHUMAN to resist the home baked pies and freshly roasted crispy skinned chickens that are emerging from my oven on a daily basis. Genius informed me recently that he needs to eat FOUR THOUSAND calories a day! Good grief, no wonder my stomach is ballooning and my bank balance is dwindling to nothing. 

Rockstar is constantly complaining that there is never anything in the house to eat and Mufasa refuses to eat lunch but piles enough food on his plate each night to feed a whole PRIDE of lions. I want to know how Nigella manages to feed HER family with delicious butter and sugar laden delights and still look all Domestic Goddessy? Apparently when she throws a dinner party she raids the fridge after the guests leave and gobbles up all the leftovers. Well that's EXACTLY what I do but sadly the evidence is manifesting itself in the most unpleasant manner on my chins, stomach, backside and thighs. 

The problem is that I love everything about food. Talking about it, reading about it, buying it, preparing it, serving it, and most of all eating it. The only reason I want to lose weight is so that I can be skinny enough to eat even MORE. Aye there's the rub - I am just not terribly motivated. When Genius and Rockstar are away I segue willingly into diet mode and buy only what's needed to create low fat healthy suppers (moderate proportions) for the two of us, but as soon as they return I am forced back to the world of bulk buying and over the top catering. So boys, I love you, but you need to leave SOON or your mother will turn into Ten Ton Tessie. 

But before you go shall I just make Nigella's chocolate marshmallow mousse?



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Reader Comments (1)

So not fair guys can eat whatever they want!

June 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoanna

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